It's been 4 years. Four long, anguished years. It's hard not to feel the hurt all the time. I think we have all learned to deal with this hindrance in our own unique ways. Some of us go to counseling, some of us get tattooed. Some of sit at the cemetery for hours. Some of us cry every day. For me, it's taking advantage of my "non-reality" world. I really think part of me still doesn't realize that my brother is gone. I do talk to him quite a bit. Actually, I talk to him like he is God. He helps me through my hardships, he hears constantly what I am thankful for (which is usually the gifts he's given me in my life). He watches over us when we are traveling or doing anything remotely dangerous. At least he hears me ask him to watch over us, the rest is up to him. He's guided me down my path, he's helped me gain confidence and learn to listen and believe in myself. My brother is my hero. My savior. My love. My Angel.....
We are lucky to have you.
FLOYD WEBSITE
Nelly, That is so beautiful and so true. I too talk to him like he is a spiritual God that watches over us.I know now he has dad with him. They are together and they are laughing. We were just left here to carry on our earthly paths. You have a path with Stu to travel. Such beauty has come your way. I marvel at how much you truly know that every moment is a treasure and all the beauty around you is a blessing. I love you Jay.
ReplyDeleteOne other thing. It is unique in our family to have LilT turn 4 on the 13th, Kyle bday the 14th. It always brings a sense of amazement that life can happen this way. Tyce is born 1/13,lil t 2/13.Lexi 4/7, Tyler 3/7, Troy2/7. There is more but somehow I know that it means it is all as it should be.
ReplyDeleteI like to imagine him and Big G fishing and teasing each other. Coco is off in the flower fields chasing butterflies. I was working out last night and that House of Chains song that Kyle played at the funeral came on my ipod. I almost lost it, but instead I sucked it up and turned it into positive energy to help me finish working out. He's always there for me whenever I need him. Always. The connected dates are quite moving. There is not really any room for all of that to be a coincidence, is there? Synchronicity. Have you ever studied numerology? I don't have any info on it, just know it exists out there. All the dates, all the t's (which can also be considered crosses). It's very strange. Maybe they are the indigo children or something :)
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